


breathe

by literallyjer



Series: life after love [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Anal Sex, Draco is still Draco, Harry wants more, M/M, Not Epilogue Compliant, One Shot, Oral Sex, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-24
Updated: 2018-02-24
Packaged: 2019-03-23 08:16:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,323
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13783464
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/literallyjer/pseuds/literallyjer
Summary: Draco Malfoy became the person that Harry Potter depended on after the war. Harry Potter became the person that Draco Malfoy slept with after the war. Harry wants more than just sex from the man whom he once hated. Draco doesn't want the same.





	breathe

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first hand at a Harry Potter story and my first Drarry fic as well so please know I did my best! The story is inspired by the song quoted at the beginning. If you read this while listening to the song you'll understand.

_But now it's hard to breathe_  
_I'm not in love, it's just a game we do_  
_I tell myself I'm not that into you_  
_But I don't wanna sleep, it's quarter after three_  
_And now it's hard to breathe_  
_I'm not in love, it's just a thing we make_  
_We're skin on skin, I need this spell to break_  
_But I don't wanna go and I know that you know_  
Breathe (acoustic) - Jax Jones ft Ina Wroldsen

 

_“Avada Kedavra!” The loud, deep, raspy voice shouted as his wand pointed right at Harry. The flash of green light was blinding and the pain that followed was more excruciating than anything that Harry had ever felt._

_He felt his body be lifted from the ground and flew across the field before landing on the ground of the forbidden forest with a hard thump. He should be dead. He should’t have felt any of the pain or know what happened to him but all he felt was dying over and over again._

_There was so much laughter and cheering around him as he lie there motionless in pain. He could hear Bellatrix Lestrange’s wicked cackle._

_“Master,” She said. “Do it again!”_

_Voldemort laughed. Holding his wand tight he turned to the boy on the ground with a wicked smirk. “As you wish. Avada Kedavra—”_

“Harry, wake up.”

Harry’s green eyes shot open. He sat up in bed and started hyperventilating. He looked around the room in confusion trying to figure out where he was and what had just happened. The first thing he noticed was the black sheets he was in. The king sized bed sat on the grey wooden floors. He caught sight of the Slytherin house emblem hanging from the far wall. He looked to the porcelain skinned hand that was currently gripping his shoulder. Looking up, ice grey eyes met his, platinum blond hair was hanging loosing in front of said eyes but Harry could still see the concern in the man’s eyes.

“It was just a nightmare.” Draco Malfoy whispered in attempt to calm Harry’s nerves.

Harry sighed and pulled his knees up to his chest in the bed. He folded his arms on top of his knees and buried his face in them, feeling embarrassed and frustrated.

“I thought I was doing better,” He said almost inaudibly. “I really thought I was doing better.”

Draco put a hand on Harry’s bare back and started rubbing small circles into his skin. “It’s not going to just disappear over night Potter.”

“It’s been a year.” Harry bit back.

“Yeah and you had been dealing with this for seven years before that. What makes you think it would all disappear in a year?” The platinum haired man replied.

Harry didn’t answer, because in truth he didn’t have one. He didn’t know what he was hoping would happen after the war. Maybe he thought that knowing Voldemort was dead, at his own hands no less, that he would be able to move on. He would be able to have a normal life and live the youthful years he had left, the ones that had been stolen from him.

Taking a deep breath, he settled with a shrug. He pulled his face from hiding in his arms and rested his chin on top of them instead, looking across the room at a blank all.

“You should probably get dressed.” Draco said after a few moments of silence. “Its almost morning and I’m sure someone will be looking for you the moment the sun comes up.

Draco scooted out of the bed to two had been in. He picked up his black boxers from the ground and slipped into them before standing and crossing the room to the attached bathroom.

As Harry sat on the bed, watching the spot the ex-Death Eater had just been at he couldn’t help the sigh the escaped his mouth. It was never planned. It was the kind of situation that just happened and when it was over neither could ever bring themselves to talk about. It happened right after the war, when one night Harry was way too paranoid about everything, and somehow Draco happened to be the first person he saw at Hogs Head.

After mixing fire whiskey and butterbeers back to back, the man that was now deemed a hero, found himself completely wasted. Draco saw that he was too intoxicated to be left alone and took him back to his flat. Harry ended up making a bold move in kissing the other man that night. The next morning neither brought it up. Two weeks later when Harry bumped into the blonde again at a Ministry meeting, he found himself in Draco’s bed once more, this time naked, sweating, and begging the other, “don’t stop” as he thrusted into him.

From that point it had become a reoccurring pattern, whenever they bumped into each other they ended up in bed. At least for a while, but months went on and Harry found himself purposely seeking out Draco. More than he’d like to admit.

“Seriously Potter, get your arse up.” Harry was pulled out of his thoughts as he looked up and saw that the blonde had returned from the bathroom. Still clad in only his boxers, Draco ran a hand through his platinum hair to push his hair out of his face.

Harry moved to the edge of the bed and began looking for his clothes. “You need a haircut.” He said absentmindedly .

Draco scoffed and shook his head. “As if you are have any room to talk about hair styles Potter. You have had permanent bed head from the moment you walked onto the platform at King’s Cross.”

This brought a smile to the younger boy’s lips. He finished getting dressed without another word. Pulling his sneakers on he looked up and saw the other man was leaning against the dresser in the room watching him dress. “Stare much?”

“Shut it Potter.” Draco smiled and walked over to where he sat on the bed.

Harry looked down at his hand and then up into the grey eyes he had become so familiar with. “When do I get to see you again?” He asked.

Draco sighed and looked away. The lighthearted energy had left the room and the tension was starting to build up. Harry knew he shouldn’t have asked. Now Draco was mad. He reached up and grabbed the other boy’s hand, only to have it snatched away.

“Why’d you have to do that?” Draco questioned, frustration in his voice. “Don’t be such a girl Potter. You know the rules, and you know what this is. Don’t try to complicate it.”

“I’m not,” Harry snapped back. “I just asked a question!”

“A stupid one!”

The two stared at each other, neither saying anything. Harry was finally the one to break, and he looked away and down at his shoes. His chest started to feel tight again. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath trying to calm himself down.

Finally, still looking down at his feet, Harry worked up the courage to speak. “It’s not like I’m asking you to fall in love with me or anything.”

“You should go.”

Harry just nodded and stood up. He walked out of the bedroom and made his way to the floo. Draco followed him out and stopped at the corner of the hallway, not entering the living room with Harry.

When we reached the floo and grabbed the powder he looked over at the grey eyes that were staring at him one last time, memorizing them incase it was a while before he saw them again. With that last look, he threw the powder down and called for home.

 

Two days later Harry was sitting in the living room of the flat he was currently living in. After the Battle at Hogwarts, the plan had been to find a place where himself, Hermione, and Ron would live in together. But since the two had become a couple, they were attached at the hip, and the level of PDA they displayed was too much for Harry to handle. Especially when he was still in a weird state of mind.

Harry was sitting on the couch, watching as wizards and muggles walked down the street, some in a hurry, some strolling. It was when he saw two blokes walking, hand in hand, that Harry felt an ache in his heart.

That’s what he wanted from Draco; to be able to walk down the street together holding hands—be a real couple. Hell, he would even settle for Draco even acknowledging that there was more to them than just sex.

The truth was, to some extent, Harry was fooling himself. He was in love with Draco Malfoy. It happened almost instantly after the first time they had actually had sex. Draco had been gentle and patient and protective of Harry the entire time. It was the way that the older boy had touched him, making sure that every single touch counted. When he kissed the junction between Harry’s jaw and neck, every nerve in Harry’s body flared to life and Draco took note of that and made sure to do it often that night. His hands felt as if they had been made to caress the dark haired boy’s body. And after they had finished, he made sure Harry was okay. Draco made Harry feel like he was cared for—something he had never known he needed to feel.

But that was the first time.

After that the sex became more erotic and less intimate. Draco would push Harry against the wall and kiss him until his lips were swollen. There was more biting and rough housing, and when Draco would finally enter him, it was rough. It was the most amazing feeling the younger boy has ever felt (the only feeling technically, but still the best). Harry knew Draco liked when the sex was like this, more disconnected. Harry hated it.

He missed the Draco that found him that first night at Hogs Head and taken care of him when he was dunk off his arse and could barely stand up straight. He missed the man that spooned him after they had sex the first time; the one that the next morning made him burnt toast and eggs. In his place, he now had the Draco Malfoy that apparated into his living room whenever he needed to get off, fuck Harry until he was moaning louder than the last time, and then get dressed and leave. No more kissing, no gentle touches—just sex.

Unfortunately, it had become clear months ago that Draco was not going to see this arrangement as more than just sex. Harry knew it, no matter how much he wished it wasn’t true.

He exhaled sadly and stood up from the couch and made his way to the kitchen. Grabbing the kettle, he filled it with water and put it on the stove. He walked to the pantry and grabbed tea bags. When he closed the door he jumped in surprised at the figure standing there.

“Merlin, what the hell is wrong with you?” He cried trying to slow his heart rate.

Draco smirked and shook his head as he watched the man in front of him. “For the defeater of the Dark Lord it’s surprising how easily frightened you can get Potter.”

“Funny.” Harry said blandly. He walked to the stove to grab the kettle that had just started blaring. “I didn’t know you were coming today.”

Draco was walking around the small kitchen with his hands in the pockets of his suit pants. Like always, he was in an all black suit, and like always he looked impeccable. He picked up some papers the Gryffindor alum had sitting on the counter and flipped through them mindlessly.

“I can leave if you want.” Draco replied.

 _Please don’t leave_ Harry thought to himself. He knew he could never tell the man standing mere feet away from him that. Instead he just stayed quite and pulled down two mugs for the tea. He made both cups and walked to the other man and handed him one.

“Thanks,” Draco said. “What’s all this paperwork about?”

Harry looked at what the other was talking about and shrugged. “Professor McGonagall is asking me to consider taking a position at Hogwarts and I’ve been thinking about it. That’s just basic paperwork and contract information.”

“Hmm,” Was all that the platinum haired man said before taking a sip of his tea.

Harry knew that there was something that wanted to be said, but if there is one thing he knew, it was that you can’t force a Malfoy’s hand. So he waited to see if the other was going to say anything further. And when he didn’t, he simple turned and headed back to the living room.

Draco followed him and they took a seat on the couch. Harry turned his eyes back to the street; more couples, more kids, more hopes he knew would never come true. He chanced a glance at the man next to him. As Draco sat there, currently untying his shoelaces Harry took in his features. His face was still chiseled and sharp, his blonde locks were all slicked back today. Feeling he was being stared at, Draco turned his attention to the dark hair boy next to him, and all Harry could do was stare into those icy grey eyes.

“What?” Draco asked.

Harry opted for answering by setting his tea on the coffee table in front of them and scooting close to the other man. He put his hand on Draco’s cheek and stroked his thumb on the smooth skin. He made eye contact with Draco again, this time being inches apart.

Bravely, Harry looked at the other man’s lips. They were parted and the temptation to capture with his own began overwhelming. The opportunity was gone when Draco leans forward and attaches his lips to Harry’s neck.

Draco kisses and bites his neck, making Harry lean his head back, giving the other man better access. His hands find their way into the platinum hair he’s familiar with and he pushes Draco into his neck more, as if there was a way to get more of this feeling.

The ex Death Eater pulls his wand out of his jacket pocket and whispers a spell and Harry is now naked. Draco recites the spell again and he too is no longer clothed. There he is in all his glory. In the last year, Draco had filled out nicely. Gone was the skinny stuck up brat that got his kicks by insulting and terrorizing anyone in his path. Now, sitting on his couch, was man who’s muscles had become more defined. His skin was smooth and the porcelain color was more beautiful than ever. Harry’s allowed his eyes to travel from Draco’s lips, to his sharp adam’s apple, down to his defined chest and abdomen. But above anything else, Harry moved his eyes to the Slytherin man’s crotch.

Draco had a beautiful cock. The first time they had slept together, Harry had been nervous that the size of Malfoy’s manhood would be too much for him. Not only was it great in length, but had girth that had taken the chosen one by surprise. Now however, seeing Draco’s dick was Harry’s favorite sight.

“Well, gone on then Potter.” Draco encouraged.

Harry leaned forward and pressed a kiss to Draco’s adam’s apple, earning a moan from him. He kissed the same spot once more, and then continued placing kisses down Draco’s neck, then chest, and stomach, until his lips were hovering over the already erotic appendage he had been eyeing moments ago.

Harry took Draco in his hand and began stroking the uncut cock slowly. He looked up just in time to see Draco bite his lower lip in pleasure. This was all the encouragement Harry needed to lower his head and take just the tip of Draco’s dick into his mouth.

“Fuck Potter,” Draco moaned.

Feeling proud of what he was doing for the older man, Harry pulled Draco’s cock out of his mouth and licked the tip slowly. Once again, Harry took the tip into his mouth, sucking softly, and this time taking more of Draco into his mouth.

Draco’s hand found it’s way onto the back of Harry’s head and pushed down, hinting for Harry to take more of him. No longer teasing him, Harry began to suck him off with more effort. He made sure that he slowly began taking more and more of his cock into his mouth. Soon enough Draco was moaning and cursing softly as Harry continued to suck him off.

Harry’s hand moved to his own dick and he started to stroke himself as he continued to pleasure the other man.

“Nope.” Draco said. His wand flicking towards Harry’s hands, which were now bound together by the tie Draco had been wearing earlier. “I didn’t say you could touch yourself.”

Harry groaned and let Draco’s dick slip out of his mouth. “Please.” He whined.

Draco smirked and shook his head. He stood up and motioned for Harry to do the same. Once Harry was on his feet, he was turned around and bent over the coffee table. He moaned, knowing what was coming next.

Harry was hard and his hands were tied behind his back. Draco ran a single finger down Harry’s spine, causing him to arch his back and moan. When the finger had reached Harry’s ass, is continued until it was at his opening. Harry held his breath in anticipation. He wanted this so bad.

“Please,” He moaned.

Draco chuckled. “Please what Potter?”

Harry bit his lip so turned on. “Please finger me.”

He must have said the right thing because instantly Draco put his index finger into his mouth to slick it up, and then pushed it into Harry’s hole. Harry gasped as the digit made its way inside of him. And as fast as it had entered it was pulled out, and pushed back in. Draco continued this for a few strokes, before inserting another finger along with it, taking the time to scissor his fingers apart to stretch him out.

Harry was moaning and he knew he sounded like a whore but it felt so good. His dick was so hard and pushed up against his stomach where he was bent over on the table. He was pushing back and forth into Draco’s fingers, also trying to get some friction against his aching dick.

Suddenly, the fingers were removed from him, and he wished he hadn’t whined the way he did was he was empty. But he wasn’t empty for long, feeling the head of Draco’s dick at his entrance. Draco could have conjured up a lubricant charm, but instead he spit down onto his dick, rubbing it around his dick, before he pushed the head into Harry’s hole.

“Oh fuck,” Harry moaned. “Yes.”

Draco pushed his dick into the other man until he was all the way in. He stayed still for a moment, trying to calm himself down and not cum right away. No matter how many times he had fucked Potter in the last year, he was still so tight, and it drove Draco crazy. After taking a few deep breaths he pulled back until just the head of his dick was still inside of Harry, and then thrusted all the way forward again.

Harry arched his back as the man behind him began to thrust in and out of him as a rather fast, and rough pace. With every thrust Harry’s body pushed forward, allowing his dick to get some attention finally.

“Mmh fuck Draco, right there.” Harry moaned out when he felt Draco repetitively pushing against his prostate.

This encouraged Draco to thrust in and out at the same angle harder than before back to back. Hitting the spot that made Harry moan loud. Draco smiled as he heard the man’s whimpers. He knew he was close, and so was he. Draco continued fucking Harry’s hole at the pace he was going.

“Draco I’m going to cum!” Harry exclaimed after Draco hit his prostate once again. Before he could say anything else he was cumming, hands free against his stomach and all over the coffee table.

The tightening of Harry’s hole as he came sent Draco over the edge and he too came, spilling his load into Harry’s tight hole.

Harry laid across the table top, hands still bound, panting as he tried to regain his breath. Draco whispered a spell and his hands were finally free. He leaned up straight and looked back at the man that was now sitting on the couch.

“That was so amazing.” He praised.

Draco smiled. “Must have been.” He said casually. “You called me Draco.”

Harry turned around and pretended to be looking for something to clean the table, but really he was hiding his frown. He knew he had called him by his real name, which was something that Draco had asked him not to do. It was a way to ensure that Harry knew this wasn’t a real relationship, or at least that’s the only reason Harry could come up with that would explain this.

“Didn’t mean to.” He replied quietly.

Neither said anything for a moment. Harry did take the chance to really clean himself, and the table up. Once he had, he stepped into his boxers and walked across the room to sit in the armchair that was furthest from where Draco sat.

“You okay Potter?” The older man asked as he started getting dressed.

Harry shrugged. “What do you mean?”

“I don’t know. Lately you’ve been up and down. Don’t know how to describe it really.” He explained.

There was an answer, and all Harry had to do was give it. Say what he wanted to say and possibly ruin everything or just hold it in and pretend some more.

“I’m fine, honest.”

Draco nodded and continued with putting his clothes back on.

“You can stay if you want.” Harry blurted. “I mean you don’t have to go if you don’t have to. I don’t mind.”

The look that he received let him know that he had been caught. The grey eyes started at him widened in realization and then narrowed. Draco knew something was up and he was not happy.

“Is that what this is all about?” He asked. “You want me to stay? So you’re sitting over there pouting?”

“I am not pouting first of all.” Harry argued. “And I was just being nice, no need to be a git.”

Draco scoffed and shook his head, started to pull his shoes on. “I knew I should have ended this. You have feeling for me or something don’t you?”  
Harry couldn’t answer. He couldn’t find any words at all to help him out of this mess. And suddenly he was back in the forbidden forest and he’s shot with the killing curse straight to the chest and he can’t breathe.

“For fucks sake Potter!” Draco stands up, running his hand through his hair frustrated. “Why’d you have to go and ruin this? Huh? Why couldn’t you just see that what we were doing was fun, nothing serious. No feelings involved remember?”

“It’s not like I asked to fall in love with you Draco!” Harry shouted before he could stop himself.

“Don’t call me that!” The platinum haired boy shouted. “And don’t say rubbish like that. You don’t love me. You think you do but you don’t. Melin forbid you actually do because you’re wasting your time.”

 _Just take a deep breath_ Harry thought to himself. The air in his lungs felt like it was evaporating.

“Look Potter, you should know that you aren’t the only person I’m fucking, you just happen to be the only one that doesn’t ask for anything extra. You don’t ask to cuddle or dates or any of that bullshit so I kept you at the top of the list but clearly I shouldn’t have. And I knew when I let you sleep over the other night it was a mistake and now look where we are.”

Harry picked at the loose thread that was coming out of the armchair. He couldn’t look at Draco right now, and the thread was helping him remember to breathe.

“I should go.” Draco said quietly.

There were no words coming out of Harry’s mouth even though he had so much to say in this moment. He wanted to beg Draco not to leave, tell him that he didn’t love him and that sex was fine. There were so many options, so many things he could say to fix this and not end up alone.

“You shouldn’t come over anymore.” Was what he finally got out. Risking it, he looked up and Draco’s grey eyes were staring back at him. His lips were tight and his eyes narrowed.

Draco nodded. “Sounds good.” And with a sharp crack, he had disapperated.

Harry felt every vein and muscle in his heart aching. The tears came first and he didn’t even attempt to stop them. He clutched his chest trying to get the pain to disappear but it wouldn’t. And the more he tried to stop the ache, the more he found it hard to breathe. He tried telling himself to relax and calm down but it only worked him up even more.

His chest was so tight, there was no air in his lungs or in the room for that matter. He was hyperventilating, and this time he couldn’t hear the man he loved telling him to calm own. There was no hand rubbing soothing circles on his back. It was just him—alone.  
And now its hard to breathe.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so I hope you liked you a little bit. I figured that I would do a one shot first just to get my feet wet into this fandom but I already have an idea of a "sequel" to this which would actually be a full length story. So this would more be a prequel to that. If you're interested just let me know! All comments and thoughts are welcomed and appreciated! xx


End file.
